Hi!
The sun is setting on another weekend, I have the Super Bowl playing in the background, and I’m debating what to make for supper. I’m thinking pork tenderloin and veggies, but a pizza sounds great too. However, it’s bone-chillingly cold right now, and I’m not a fan of frozen pizza. Ha!
It was the 16th anniversary of my mom’s passing this week. My brother and I used to go out for dinner in her honour. After a decade, we decided we were ready to move on from that. I still reflect on her death. I feel sharing that experience could be helpful to anyone who is going through something similar.
My mother was 47 when she passed away due to complications from lupus. She was often sick during my childhood, but we didn’t know the cause. When I was 12, she was given a diagnosis of five years to live. She managed to live 10 years.
The day she died, I was at our family home after spending the night there. I was living in another town at the time and had spent four months of sleepless nights at the hospital with her. She chose to come home, probably knowing she was in her final days.
I had left to get new clothes, telling her I would be back in a few hours. She couldn’t speak, her face unrecognizable as she lay on the couch. She weighed 88 pounds. My brother was still living at home and took the day off to care for her while our dad worked. As I was packing a new overnight bag, I got a frantic call from my brother. He had called the ambulance, and they were trying to revive our mother in the ambulance parked in the driveway. I sped the entire way back, knowing she would be gone.
I was greeted by police officers who took statements from my brother and went through all the medication at the house. I couldn’t speak. I sat on the floor, cuddling the dog and crying. When someone dies in the house, it’s chaos. The fire department, ambulance, police, and social services show up if kids are still living at home. My brother had just turned 19, so they send over social workers to sit with us while the police tried to get ahold of our dad at work.
The brain has a way of protecting you from having to relive the trauma. I can't recall a lot of things in great detail about that time in my life. I know they happened, it’s like a movie scene in my head, but my body doesn’t get too emotional. I don’t need to relive that raw feeling again. I did go to grief counselling before mom died. It’s impossible to be ready, even though you know it’s coming.
All these years later, I have no regrets about the challenging relationship I had with my mom. We became friends after I left home. I live my life free, and sometimes I do things that remind me of her. Weirdly, I feel closer to her now than I ever did when she was alive.
Anyway, I don’t share this to make anyone sad. I share because we all go through bleak times. Especially right now. When things are dark, take it minute by minute. Sometimes I wouldn’t sleep because I didn’t want to wake up and experience grief all over again. But, your life doesn’t stop. You find the things that bring you joy and keeping pursuing your dreams.
New podcast episodes
Episode 5 of Accidental Parenthood —Kids & Debt— My brother, Evan, shares his experiences with finances during the early years of parenthood. We also discuss how friendships change once a new baby arrives. Click here to listen. You can also find the podcast on Spotify, Apple Podcast /iTunes, Player FM, and most other podcast apps!
Episode 36 of Childfree Girls — The Best Childfree Life Possible with Jared Hansen— Jared is the creator of the Facebook group The Best Child-Free Life Possible. He is also one of the co-founders of the 2021 Virtual Childfree Conference. Jared shares his childfree journey and his vision for the future of the childfree community. You can also listen to this on Spotify, Apple Podcast/ iTunes, etc.
Childfree pick-of-the-week
Worried about childfree regret? 18 childfree women in their 50s, 60s, and 70s share their experiences in this powerful article! Written by Isabel Firecracker.
Final thoughts
I got my invite to join Clubhouse this week. If you have no idea what I’m talking about, Clubhouse is a new audio-only app currently exclusive to iPhone users. You have to be invited by someone to join. They say it’s still in beta-testing, so that’s why it’s not open to the general public yet. Current users are movers and shakers in the entrepreneur/celebrity/influencer world.
Nothing is recorded or shareable. You have thousands of meeting rooms where you can attend panels and conversations on endless topics. So, as you can imagine, I’ve scouted out everyone who has listed “childfree” in their bio.
A childfree clubhouse.
To network with others in the media space is exciting because we need the childfree conversation to be a part of the mainstream. Writers, podcasters, change-makers, these are the rooms where it happens. I want to be in them!
If you are on the app, find me. My username is @lenorafaye.
I wish you a pleasant week!
Until next time,
LeNora Faye
Thank you for sharing your grief and recovery story, it’s an important one.
Loved Isabel’s article so many gems in there. It’s worth saving to go back too.
And see you on Clubhouse.